So sat after work I was going straight and someone took a left turn either looked really fast or didn't look at all. So we hit each other. The dent is over my left tire. It makes a bad noise when I go over a bump. So tdays my day off and I am taking it to make sure I should be driving it. The woman acted as though I was going to fast and said she didn't see me. She said that she didn't understand what happened but then she changed her story when I told her that I had called my insurance company she wanted to know what to know what I told them of course I didn't tell her. But ppl seem to think it was her fault for the most part.

Then early the week before my friends got into an argument and now I am in the middle. Lenora a woman who goes around telling ppl how shes 54 all the time and marian a 20 year old and it is her first job, were going to trade hours. Well then marian decided she didn't want to which I can understand how Lenora could be annoyed with marian for going back on her word, but she started screaming about we are both asian we need to sit together how can you do this to me and apperently ppl in other departments heard her yelling. So marian came to me during lunch alll upset. Well Lenora didn't talk to me for the rest of the day and then the next or the next. It was really awkward and I didn't know what to do or say. I saw her staring at me when I talked to whomever. Then a few days ago I came in and put my purse down and had only been by the desk for 5 seconds when Mai an older woman as well got made cause I hadn't said hello to her yet and asked me why not, I said oh I just got her ad needed to put my purse down first ummm soooory. I can't stand the pettyness then Lenora goes she just walks by she doesn't say hi anymore. I hate beiing in the middle and the immaturity. I guess marian and Lenora still never talk either. I dont feel like talking to either of them to be honest. I'll write bout srah and jeremy later on too much energy.

Work went by really quick but was tiring there was a lot to be done. I had to advise the younger kids on some issues they were having. I'm still not used to such warm winters here in Cali, but I can't complain. It's just hard to get into the seasons.

I love working retail, and I love having fun with customers and ppl I work with. I know most people that do it hate it but its the best job I have had yet.

I'm still recovering from having my precancerous cells removed its no longer painful but I am very irrated to say the least. Its so scary but I guess if I go to the GYNO every three months for the next year,I should be okay.

I hope every one had a happy turkey day!

So I had my day off from work today and I went to the mall to meet a friend from work to go see derailed with Jennofer Aniston only i told her she was done working at 3:15 and she wasn't till 6. Thank goodness I live near the mall or Id have been super pissed. Its annoying cause we always work different schedules and she doesn't write hers down. Haven't decided if I think the friendship is going to work yet or what cause shes oe of those ppl whose confident but kind of out there. Hopefully it will though. Everyone in the department loves me and fri they even brought me a cake! It made me feel so happy and I felt that I was loved. Jeremy is moving soom to Palm Springs and he told me this last friday. He says he needs a change. Its weird since he is going to quit his job and school really quickly. Hes so close to finishing I dont know why he doesn't wait until may. At first I was sad but then I realized it will be much better after hes gone. No games, confusion and heartache.

I am not sure I like my pyscholigist. She actually gets kind of personal with me. I mean Like her as a person but it was my understanding that I probably should know that much personal info about my shrink. She hasn't gotten that strange but she told me she used to live in Orange County and about her nieces and nephews. Plus sometimes I feel that she stays on topics that don't matter. I am going to ask my friend from back East what his shrink does and see if they think mine is not okay. Plus she doesn't seem to understand the Jeremy situation or it took her awhile to get it fully. But maybe I am wishing she had more answers.

Speaking of Jeremy I saw him today, and Iam hoping that he doesn't come over later that would solve a lot of issues. I am going to just straight out tell him how I feel though next time I see him.

I had a long hour and a half chat with Kyle from back home it was awsome, He's such a sweetie. I can't wait till Jeremy moves then I won't have him living next door treating badly except when he wants something. Next time he comes over Im going to tell him I love you but you don't want a real relationship and I want someone who respects me and needs me and whose head over heals in love me. I just hope one day he can understand my point of view.

I finally saw In her Shoes it was such a cute movie! I am looking forward to when Rent comes out around Thanksgiving. Well my birthday is only 2 weks away!!! I'm so excited, even if I dont do anything special i get excited cause its the day all about me!

Still my landlord has not found me any roomates. Its because hes not personable and because he is not on time to meet some of them. He told one of them that she could nt have her boyfriend over more then once a week. I dont mind living alone but it does get lonely some days.

Well now that the Nordstroms thing starts next week and I have a holiday job at Robinsons May I dont have much job hunting to do and I wish i could go for a walk because I haven't excercised in awhile. I just hate to spend money on a gym when i won't be able to use most of the equipment.

Then i worked for the temp agency today and will agian tomorrow and as i was taking a ticket from the gate the car in front of me backs right into me I saw it coming but was afraid to look behind and see if i could back up myself. she hit me lightly but do u kno what this woman said to me? Oh well the gatekeeper told me to back up so I did. There was no damage either time so i guess i need to be thankful.

Then Rob may offered me a job doing stock for the holidays! I will see how the two weeks sale at Nordys goes but I might just work at both even though technically ur not supposed to, and then see what turns out to work out. Im working for the temp agency again tomorrow, and then am meeting with the dept of rehab on weds.

Last night Sarahs mom had me and our friends Mel and Susan and Susans son and husband over for a late lunch. Her boyfriend was invited as well. He showed up an hour late and left after only an hour, didn;t eat cake or stay to sing or any food for that matter and he told Sarah she was beiing a bad hostess. Well He just sat and didn't speak to anyone except the 11 year old. I mean this man is 32 years old. He made sarah feel sad and as soon as left everyone started relaxing. I think they might break up sometime soon because he has been beiing jerk lately, and he is rude and made her feel bad.

Anyway my second training day went well at Nordys. I got my full schedule for the 2 weeks and am working 72 hours. I keep applying for a few jobs everyday but its just so frustrating, I mean its good that I finally figured out what I am good at or whatever but its like after a year of one job after the next I'm just so tired, But dad wants me to keep trying in California, at least until the spring or something.

Its just like ohmygod what next.......

Not much else is new its still in the 80s during the day here but since its a desert its getting cool at night. I'm just sick of job hunting. I'm going to call Borders tomorrow and a hotel i applied at.

We shall see, I am going to Connecticut for Thanksgiving. My dad doesn't want me to move back, like he said im welcome to come back but they kept saying wee hope you realize once u leave Cali u can't come back. OKay. way to confuse me. yesterday my mom said she wanted me to go back, now she wants me to take time to decide.....

I miss jeremy, no I don't miss him i miss having someone i think. Just lonely sometimes.

Plus Im over jeremy but it just upsets me that i let him use me. His roomate came over to ask me something earlier and all my feelings just came back and I feel ashamed. im going to throw up.

Gave my landlord my 30 days notice today, so now i must find an apartment. looking at two places over the next few days. My psycholoigst also suggested maybe this isn't the right time for me to live out here. Evben if idon't find a job out here she said many ppl struggle out here and that many ppl move and i wouldn't be a faliure because i had an adventure and learned to experience some place totally new and different. And even though it didn't work out I fell in love for the first timeand learned a lot about relationships.

Jeremy came over 2 nights ago and we had a good chat. Then he came over today. I guess I kno we are better off friends, but I find when hes not drunk, that he so sweet and comforting to be around and I just love him so much as a friend and as a an ex bf sorta bf now. I mean if could just change of few things......I really thought that we would be together forever. Hes the first person in a long time that I have allowed myself to get attached to and i gave my all to him. Well only time will tell I suppose.

I have such mixed feelings about my physchologist. She is a great person to talk to about job hunting and my left hand disability but she ignores me sort of when I try to discuss my parents and when I mention their reaction to my disability its like she doesn;t think its important enough to discuss or something. I mean I have tried mentioning it like 3 or four times and she will listen to me but its more like I am giving her information, and she doesn't wanna solve it, or talk about it for long. And I kno that our sessions are for discussing me, but my parents have had so many issues with not accepting how bad my disability is.

Still I have not told my parents that I lost the temp to hire position, if I can get any type of job fast enough I figure that I casn just say I found something permenant and hopefully they will just except it. I mean I'm 23 years old I have not told them, because I don't want to have to answer to them.

Sarah still has not called me and I have decided whether or not she is doing this to me or all her friends, she really hasn't been a great friend to me and I kno we have been friends since 5th grade but how much can a person take? I mean shell tell me that her job just stress's her out and everything, but it seems as though her friend Ken is all that she is wanting to spend time with. I am not sure if she is cheating on her boyfriend I'd love her as a friend no matter what but don't lie to me.

I just wish people would stop using me and stuff and I am so sick of having to justify myself to others who arn't smart about making descions for themselves.

I think that I want to work in a bookstore and become manager eventually. Or own my own one day. But I am just also going to try to work in retail and work my way to beiing a manager having a college degree and all.

Now on to the Sarah issue, She said call me fri we will hang out. This was Tuesday. Now I didn't actually excpect her to call. But it would have been nice. It is sad when I like my ex alcoholic boyfriend who is sometimes really sweet and sometimes an ass to me better then my best friend from 5th grade, and he treats me freaking better. I just kno that she ignores one of her other ffriends but I am not sure if its just me that she can't take it r shes so self centered. I mean I kno shes self centered. Maybe I'll go done to Coronado beach tomorrow and just chill, and read my new book I just bought at borders. Happy Friday people!!

Dear Jeremy, I love you but I can see that is not enough for us. I don't hold anything against you and I feel you hold so much against me. I wish you could stop drinking so much but you must want that on your own. You hold things agianst me from three months ago still, and you probably even hate me sometimes, and I think its best that we just move on. I miss sleeping next to you and cuddling with you, and I mostly remember the good things about us.

That was part of it. It was written more for my personal closure then anything else.

Well have a great day people.